The year I earned the most money was also the year I faced the most devastating loss. This experience likely highlights the tension many women like me feel. When I say “like me,” I mean that I’m white and middle class, and in my 30s and 40s, I experienced income fluctuations due to caregiving demands. Plus, being a woman meant I was earning less from the start.
Many of us deal with the push and pull between work and home life, especially those of us in the "sandwich generation." We're stuck in the middle, trying to support our kids and look after our elderly parents, while also managing our careers and dealing with our own losses – and I’ve had a pretty big one: my husband.
As a young mother, pursuing freelance work wasn't just a choice but a necessity. The cost of childcare meant I could work full-time and spend half those earnings on childcare, or I could work part-time as a freelancer in my fragmented pockets of time around caring for a young child. This reality kept me pursuing part-time freelance work until my youngest started kindergarten, a common predicament for many women balancing the need to earn income and maintain an employable skill set for future career aspirations while also meeting the family’s needs for child care and managing a home.
I liked work. I loved using my brain, talent and experience toward something that actively met my family’s needs for income while scratching creative and intellectual itches. I also wanted my kids to see me as a role model, maintaining my identity and self of agency and self while being a great mom too. This led me to a full-time position at a marketing agency when my youngest started school. I had ideas and ambitions of my own that weren’t being realized in that context, and I thought it was time to go back to freelance work – but this time on a full-time basis.
I set a revenue goal for myself that was higher than I ever made and thought I’d ever achieve in my lifetime. I met and exceeded that goal by September of that year and began to scale my business by hiring contractors and onboarding more clients. That very same month, my world changed in an instant.
My husband was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and was left paralyzed from tumor resection surgery. Our young family plunged into a period of survival mode, culminating in devastating loss. He passed away the same month the COVID-19 pandemic hit: March 2020. This compounding tragedy obviously impacted us in every way imaginable, but it especially triggered concerns about our financial stability, especially during my attempt to purchase a smaller home. My freelance income raised doubts among lenders, making it challenging to secure a mortgage.
Feeling a lack of support, despite my proven high-income potential, I opted for the safer path: closing my business in favor of seeking stable employment with benefits, which I now have. In the chart, I plotted my lifetime annual earnings, layered with average childcare costs of $10,000 a year and hypothetical average male earnings at a 15% increase (although: men are less likely to see the interruptions in employment as indicated here; men earned 17% more than women in 2022; and the disparity is even greater for women of color.)
Figure 1: My earnings journey - chart generated via ChatGPT-4 using my inputs
The Collective Benefit of Supporting Female Entrepreneurs
The journey through entrepreneurship and full-time employment underscores a broader narrative for women in the workforce. In addition to earning less than men, women face significant income gaps due to their roles as primary caregivers and the challenges of securing affordable childcare. Here’s a look at the research:
- The cost of childcare has doubled the past two decades while wages have stagnated.
- Moms typically make the tradeoff to stay at home so childcare expenses don't consume household income.
- Women earn 80-85% of what their male counterparts do.
Now, as a widow, the importance of consistent and fair pay has never been clearer. Women possess immense potential for launching successful businesses, and they are the ones who can benefit the most from the flexibility that entrepreneurship affords. However, adequate societal support and resources can fully realize this potential.
When society supports women in business, the benefits are multiple and widespread. From the innovative solutions we engineer to the families we nurture and the significant impact on our long-term earning potential, supporting female entrepreneurs is not just a matter of equity—it's a matter of economic and social prosperity. With women outliving men by an average of five to six years (for more than a century now), we must have access to higher incomes to ensure our financial security in retirement.
In 2020, I had to place my mom in a memory care facility and sell her house to add to her pension and social security. Her dedication to her teaching career and wise real estate investment helped cover her costly care, despite being a widow and now living with a disability. She achieved this by hard work and sacrifice during my formative years, occasionally working part-time, and managing a creative arts side business. She’s an inspiration but should it be this hard for us women?
The challenges are many among the sandwich generation, making it essential for women to get the support they need to start and maintain businesses, whether part- or full-time. According to Pew Research, 54% of parents in their 40s are caring for elderly parents while financially supporting their adult children. Women dealing with motherhood and loss need to do more than just get by; they deserve to succeed. Proper support can help them reach their full potential, benefiting everyone as their contributions touch many parts of society.
Cara Baker is a marketing and communications professional. A year after closing down her business, she launched a new one: Paper Tiger Books (https://papertiger.store). This online community is designed for women facing similar challenges, offering support and connection through writing. Her book, Sanctuary, releases May 7.