We all have fears. Fear can be a powerful emotion that helps keep us safe and avoid danger, but often, we let our fears control us. This can lead to missed opportunities and a lower quality of life. The truth is that most of the time, the things we fear are either not real or are much less threatening than we make them out to be.
Our ancestors were pre-programmed to make two kinds of mistakes: to think there was a tiger in the bushes when there was none and to think there wasn’t one when there actually was. The cost of the first mistake was needless anxiety, but the cost of the second was much worse. We evolved to make the first mistake a thousand times just to avoid making the second mistake once. Fear, in that sense, can be our friend. It has the power to keep us safe.
However, most of the fears we have today are unrelated to actual physical danger. They are anxiety-based fears that are usually not rooted in the present moment. There are worries about the future and things that might happen. When we let these fears control us, we miss out on opportunities and experiences that could enrich our lives.
We need to teach our children that it’s okay to feel fear; it’s a natural human emotion. But we also need to teach them that it’s important to face their fears and not let them control their lives.
Children no longer have fears that seem irrational to adults. In generations past, kids were likely afraid of monsters under their bed, the dark or thunderstorms. Today it's school shootings, climate change, war, terrorism, pandemics, and an epidemic of mental health issues. The fear is real even if it's not always physically tangible.
It’s our job as parents to help them manage these fears. We can’t just tell our children not to be afraid, but we can help them build confidence and teach them coping skills that they can use when they feel scared. By doing this, we are helping our children build resilience and empathy for others.
Fear can be a debilitating emotion, and it takes hefty amounts of patience and compassion to stay present for our kids (and ourselves). We need to teach our children to embrace their fears and help them develop the skills they need to feel them, name them and let them pass.
It’s okay to be afraid; it’s how we respond to that fear that matters.
Absolutely, fear can indeed be a double-edged sword. It's a primal emotion that's essential for survival, yet it can also be limiting when it comes to personal growth and experiencing life fully.
Here are some practical tips to help manage fear, especially in the context of guiding children:
8 Ways to Help Children Manage Fear
1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings: It's crucial to let children know that it's okay to feel scared. Validating their feelings instead of dismissing them helps build trust and understanding. Say things like, "I understand why that scares you," to show empathy.
2. Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe environment where children feel comfortable sharing their fears without judgment. This encourages them to open up and discuss what’s bothering them, rather than bottling up their emotions.
3. Teach Coping Mechanisms: Equip children with tools to manage fear. This could be deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or simple problem-solving skills. These techniques can help them calm down and approach their fears more rationally.
4. Exposure in Small Steps: Gradually exposing children to their fears in a controlled and safe way can help them overcome them. This could be as simple as discussing hypothetical scenarios and how to deal with them, or gradually facing their fears in real life.
5. Focus on the Present: Many fears are rooted in concerns about the future. Teach children the value of living in the present moment. Mindfulness exercises can be particularly helpful in this regard.
6. Encourage Social Support: Having friends or family members who understand and support one another can be a great comfort. Encourage children to build a network of support.
7. Educational Approach: Sometimes fear stems from a lack of understanding. Educating children about what they fear – whether it’s natural phenomena like thunderstorms or broader issues like climate change – can demystify these fears and reduce anxiety.
8. Professional Help When Needed: If a child’s fear becomes overwhelming or interferes with daily life, seeking help from a mental health professional can be beneficial. They can provide specialized strategies and support.
Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate fear entirely, but to teach children how to manage it effectively and lead a balanced, fulfilling life despite their fears.